Suffer The Child
by LaraWinner
Summary: While I succumb to my hell the natural instinct will rise, and my worthlessness will be complete as the past becomes the present and the human in me is no more…


DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha. I just like to play with them.

Suffer The Child

By: Lara Winner

They say freak

When you're singled out

The red

It filters through

- Chevelle "The Red"

The mid-day heat was humid and stifling as the silent group of travelers kept their steady pace in somber silence. An occasional grunt and groan was heard but not a word of complaint was spoken as each seemed to be lost in their own musings not really paying particular attention to their surroundings. The dirt road on which they traveled was approaching the crest of a hill. The dense brush encompassing their chosen path was lush and alive with the chirping of birds and the faint cries of smaller woodland creatures.

Weariness from long days of travel the group had faced left each person dragging along at their own pace. It was a peaceful and the silence was golden, until it was all to soon interrupted by a small whining voice. 

"Are we there yet?"

Reflexively, the group as a whole stiffened, preparing for the eruption of temper that was bound to come from the hanyou at the lead. Angry golden eyes pinned the tiny kitsune cub where he perched on his surrogate mother's shoulder. But unlike the group expected, Inuyasha merely growled warningly and quickened his pace in total dismissal of his companions. 

Kagome frowned, sharing the worried expression with Shippo. Miroku stared after Inuyasha thoughtfully, his keen ability of observation picking up on the hanyou's faintly darkening aura. Myouga sighed worriedly, only confirming the young houshi=s suspicions. Even Kirara seemed to jerk to attention from where she'd been curled up in the comfort of Sango's arms.

However, the demon exterminator was the only one daring to voice her concern. "Something is very wrong with Inuyasha. He's not been himself for the last few days."

Miroku nodded in agreement. "I'm sensing a disturbance in his bio-rhythm. His aura is dark and its giving off a violent oscillation. I fear this reaction could prove to be quite dangerous."

"I wonder what could be wrong?" Kagome mused out loud, concern evident in her absent words. 

"With Inuyasha? Who knows." Shippo cried. "He's the one who insisted we chase the lead on this shard and ever since we left Kaede's he's been getting all mean and nasty. There's something fishy going on here."

"Poor Master. I feared he was not ready for this." The flea demon said with pity. The lamentation made everyone pause, including Myouga himself. 

"Ready for what?" His four companions asked in unison.

Myouga shifted nervously on Miroku's shoulder as he realized what he'd almost let slip. He nearly stuttered as he amended quickly, "Uh..um.. nothing, pay no attention for I said nothing."

"What do you know Myouga?" It was a simple question, yet Sango's tone left room for nothing but a straight forward, in-depth answer. The flea grew even more agitated as he was not inclined to obey Sango's unspoken command. 

"Master Inuyasha's personal affairs are not my business and it is not my place to tell you what he has privately confided in m- EEP!" Myouga shrieked as he was lifted in the air between Miroku's thumb and index finger.

Glaring at the tiny demon, Miroku tried not to smile as Myouga grew even more terrified. "Perhaps you should tell us what you know. It would be a shame if I were to ummm... say... accidentally crush you." He warned, lightly squeezing the flea threateningly.

Panic made the small demon sweatdrop as he pleaded shamelessly, "Please don't hurt me! Please! I'm not at liberty to mention what is bothering Inuyasha but trust me when I say he will be fine once we are away from this place." The confession was weighed by his companions and at the nod from Sango, Miroku released his punishing grip and the flea sagged in relief. His bravado back, Myouga muttered, "For a monk you are truly evil."

"Hardly." Miroku laughed good naturedly. "In unfavorable situations one must use whatever means available. You, my friend, should stop talking in riddles."

Kagome shook her head as she observed the two. Her concern was still evident as she asked, "As Inuyasha's friends we only wish to help him Myouga. Are you certain he will be all right?"

"Hai, in due time."

His answer was still unsatisfactory to the childish mentality of Shippo. "Well what is it about this place? It doesn't seem all that bad to me."

"Appearances can be deceiving." Cautioned Miroku. "There is something I the air, a hostility of sorts..." He paused, expanding his senses but after a moment he sighed in frustration. AI can not pinpoint what I'm feeling but all is not well here. I fear something terrible has happened."

Assuming fighting position, Sango readied her grip on the hiraikotsu and glanced around uneasily. "Is it the youkai we're looking for?" She asked tensely.

"No but there is bad karma here." Miroku scowled, "Very bad."

The monk's cryptic words made Kagome shiver and Shippo huddled deeper into the comfort of her embrace. Nervously she entreated, "Uh... guys, maybe we should catch up with Inuyasha. I really don't want to leave him alone."

"Lady Kagome is right," The flea demon agreed, "It would be in our best interest if we all stayed together from here on out, especially Inuyasha's."

"WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT ME AS IF I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar, the group froze and looked up with guilty expressions to where Inuyasha stood at the rise of the hill with his hands on his hips and an infuriated countenance. Looking contrite at the hanyou's reprimand, the group once again proceeded forward in hushed silence.

Peeking from the safety of Kagome's hold, Shippo cried out anxiously, "Are you all right Inu-chan?" 

"Feh, silly cub, of course I'm all right!"

"Master..." Myouga said uncertainly, "Are you sure about this. There are other ways we could go..." 

"No! I'm not backtracking a day and a half walk just to take another road that will bring us two more days out of the way! The plan was to pass through Nagahagi and that is exactly what I'm going to do! If you want to waist time and gossip, fine! I intend to make it to the village by nightfall and I'm not waiting so if you don't follow I don't want to hear you all bitching about camping outside again tonight, got it!" The red-faced hanyou was screaming by the time he finished his tirade. 

Miroku smirked. "Then perhaps you should quit grumbling and lead the way."

**** 

I was pissed. 

How dare they act like I'm something to be pitied and concerned over. Myouga opened his fat trap and when I get a hold of him I'm going squish him so hard he won't plump up for a week. The thought is kind of funny but I'm too angry and uneasy to grin. I want to get this over with. I'm pushing them to keep pace with me. No one has said anything since we began walking and even I'm beginning to feel a little tired. However, I won't be getting any sleep tonight.

Evening is setting in and the village is approaching. I can barely hear the faint stirrings of life in the far distance but it's enough to make me tense so violently my muscles actually ache. I'm afraid. I hate to admit it and I even refuse to show it but the fear is almost numbing. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here. I hate this place. I hate these people. I want to run as fast as possible and get away.

Gods, I feel like I'm five years old again"

Rigid discipline is all I have to fall back on and I've set my mind to face this. I will not run like a coward and I will not let this place bring out the worst in me. But it's already having effect. I've been acting unreasonable. My usual non-existent patience has really bit the dust and every little thing annoys me. I know I've hurt Kagome's feelings a number of times in the last two days. Hell, I even managed to piss Miroku off and that idiot never lets my antics get to him. 

Even now they're keeping their distance from me. It's for the best. Sometimes I forget that I'm not like them. I'll get caught up in the roles we play and I'll begin to believe that I belong here in this close-knit family they've made. But reality is cruel and it won't go away no matter how much I want it to. It keeps reminding me that I don't belong here. I'm not human. Despite what Kagome would say, one night a month doesn't fucking count. I'm not youkai either. The power of a demon is a curse, not a blessing. I was born of two worlds and yet neither wanted me. So I created my own place to exist and I was the only one in it.

Then I let them in.

I don't know how it happened or when they wormed their way into my solitary world but they did and now every one of them has a place in my heart. They are the closest thing I have to family and they accept me for what I am. They don't care that I'm nothing. It doesn't bother them that I am hanyou scum, completely worthless and disgusting. They see something in me, something worth the time and effort they put into getting me to open up, and it's working. Little by little I'm coming around, letting go of my reservations, and I like it. 

Don't get me wrong. I'll be caught dead before I ever tell them this, but I don't think I have to because they know. What I can't say in words I try and make up for with loyalty and protection. They know that as long as I'm around I'd die in a heartbeat to protect any of them. Yes, even Myouga and his big mouth. 

I am content. 

I don't think I've ever felt this happy.

I know I've never been this scared.

It's simple. I don't want to loose them. My friends are precious. I mean, it's not like I've had many. Nobody trusts a youkai and that part of me is predominantly obvious, and has been since the day I was born. It's not easy being different. It hurts when everyone hates you. It's a real bitch when you realize you can't do a damn thing to change it. 

I've already lost the few people who cared about me. I've never forgotten them and I can no longer pretend I'm okay with being alone. 

That is part of the reason I'm forcing myself to do this. I have to face the past one day and what better time then when I have my friends with me. I don't plan on dumping my problems on their lap. I'm just hoping their presence will be enough.

I glance up at the sky and I shiver. The sun is just now dipping below the horizon and it washes the land an orange glow. The clouds reflect the vibrant hues of the sunset resembling flames. Off in the distance I can see the village begin to appear. I drag in a deep breath to calm myself.

The smell of cherry blossoms is thick.

My heart begins to beat in a furious rhythm as the delicate fragrance resurrects a memory I would give my life to forget. If I breathe in and close my eyes I'll see flames rising high into a pitch-black sky and the sweet aroma of the blossoms will fade into the rancid scent of burning flesh and decrepit wood. I'll hear her tortured screams. Guilt and fear will consume my soul, eating at my insides like acid. While I succumb to my hell the natural instinct will rise, and my worthlessness will be complete as the past becomes the present and the human in me is no more...

****

Upon reaching the outskirts of the village Inuyasha turned to his companions and growled, "I'm going to give the area a once over. Secure a room and I'll join you later." 

"Master Inuyasha, this is not wise..." Myouga warned but a withering glare from the dog demon made him fall abruptly silent.

"I don't remember asking for your opinion." Inuyasha snapped in return.

But to the surprise of all present the hanyou's tone was tense and clipped, lacking its usual arrogant confidence. His golden eyes were weary and his demeanor was almost anxious as he abruptly turned to head for the forest that lined the shadowed landscape just beyond the open fields. 

"Inuyasha!" Kagome called to his quickly retreating form. "Would you like me to come with you?"

Inuyasha paused, as if debating her offer and after a long moment he shook his head firmly, "You'll only slow me down. Besides wench, I don't need a baby-sitter." And with that, he disappeared into the darkness leaving Kagome glaring daggers in the direction he'd taken. 

Despite the familiar little squabble, unease continued to hang like a heavy shroud in the still air as they again pressed forward. Not a word was spoken as the weary group trudged down the village's main road. The hostile glares given by the few village sentries did not go unnoticed among the shard hunters but each wisely kept their thoughts to themselves and remained alert, ready for any danger that presented itself.

Part of Nagahagi's unwelcoming feel was due to the fact that the village was very poor. Small, rundown huts lined the road, both left and right. It was clear to see that the village people were in dire straits and it was not so surprising that they had little to no concern for the strangers in their midst. 

While Kagome and Sango eyed the poverty stricken people with compassion, Miroku knew the reason behind the village's downfall all too well. "These people have been stripped of all valuable resources by a neighboring town. It's the common outcome when loosing a skirmish."

Sango turned her attention to Miroku, one delicate brow arching in question and the monk shrugged as he defended, "I am not entirely certain but it seems a likely possibility."

"Considering the plight of these people I do hope you intend to pay for our rooms tonight Houshi-sama." Sango commented. Her tone was light and casual but her expression warned of physical retribution should he ignore her words.

At once Miroku smiled innocently. "I was not even thinking of an exorcism."

"Maybe you should consider a real one. These people are really strange." Shippo reasoned, changing the subject as he crawled onto Kagome's shoulder and peered around about curiously.

Miroku nodded in agreement as he eyed the thinning number of villagers darting about now that dusk was approaching. "Is it me or does anyone else have the distinct feeling something is amiss here?"

"I feel it too Houshi-sama." Sango replied, seconding the notion. "It does not feel safe."

Kagome nodded, rubbing her arms as if chilled. "I agree. Come on guys, the inn is just up ahead." She urged, pointing to the less than stately structure to the group's left.

Within moments they were huddled on the broken-down wooden stoop, Miroku at the lead while Kagome, Shippo, and Sango stayed a step behind. There was a foreboding aura hanging about the building and Miroku nearly paused as he reached to knock on the door. However, before his knuckles could make contact with the wood, the door was slid open a fraction of an inch and one eye could be seen peering out from the darkness inside the inn.

"What do you want?" A deep masculine voice questioned impatiently.

Miroku fixed his features in the most humble of expressions and lowered his eyes to the ground for further effect. "My companions and I have traveled far and we simply wish for a room to spend the night."

In response the door opened a little further to reveal the wrinkled face of an elderly man. Despite his withered and pale appearance, there was a look of steel in his eyes as he asked, "How many rooms?"

"Just one." The monk answered, his grin turning lecherous so quickly that the old man raised an eyebrow in question. 

Disapproval was evident as the innkeeper snapped, "I don't rent rooms for vulgar activities, understand kid? Perhaps you three should find somewhere else to stay."

Two feminine gasps of indignation were heard at the insinuation presented. Rolling her eyes in exasperation, Sango's fist connected none to gently with the back of Miroku's head before she forcibly pushed him aside and corrected the innkeeper briskly, "Two rooms will be necessary. This hentai will be sleeping by himself."

It was then that Shippo made his presence known as he hopped up onto Miroku's shoulder and patted the Houshi's wounded head in a soothing manner. "Its okay Miroku-chan. I'll stay with you." 

The sudden cry of alarm that came from the innkeeper startled everyone and all eyes went wide as the man held up an amulet on a chain around his neck, staring at Shippo in horror. "Beast child... demon... oh Kami..." He half gasped half stuttered, panic and anger combining as he hissed, "Be gone all of you!" Youkai filth is not welcome here!" and promptly slammed the door to punctuate his command.

The stunned silence only lasted a moment before Shippo's eyes filled with hurt and his bottom lip began to quiver as two fat tears rolled down his cheeks. Kagome was already reaching for the kit and he flung himself into her arms, crying his little eyes out as she cooed softly in his ear. An angry flush lit Sango's cheeks as she gave the closed door a dirty look. Kirara let out a warning hiss as picked up on Sango's agitation and attempted to offer comfort by rubbing against the taiji-ya's ankle.

Miroku could only shake his head in insulted wonder as he muttered, mainly to himself, "Rude bastard."

****

Unnerving quiet. 

Unusual for a forest, especially at night. I shiver uncontrollably as a cold chill slides down my spine. There are no annoying critters scurrying around, no sounds of life at all as I push my way through the thick foliage. The moon's light is blocked by the canopy of trees and I am surrounded in darkness blacker than pitch. My soft, laboring pants and the snapping of twigs beneath my feet are the only sounds that break the oppressive silence.

A nameless fear steals its way across my mind as the dense, musty air of this uninhabited forest stings my sensitive nose. There are no surprises here. I know every sent in the air and every slope of the ground all too well. I don't need youkai vision to tell me that I'm approaching the clearing at the western edge of the forest. I don't need my nose to tell me that a grove reeking with the scent of cherry blossoms is not very far ahead. I certainly don't need my brain to tell me that I should never have come here.

Little by little the stale, humid air is beginning to circulate only to invite the subtle aroma of old death and slow decay to prevail through the trees. My stomach turns violently and I swallow against the bile rising in my throat. The urge to turn away and flee from the horrible memories beginning to resurface is so powerful that I'm nearly brought to my knees, terrified to continue and yet determined to confront this hellish nightmare once and for all.

I can do this because I am not weak!

I chant the words in my mind hoping to draw what courage I can from them. As the endless darkness that surrounds me begins to brighten with errant moonlight, I drag in a ragged breath and force myself to leave the shelter of the forest behind. 

The moon's iridescent beams are like a spotlight bathing the open land in an eerie ghost-like glow. Out of the ground, not but twenty yards before me, rises the decrepit remains of what was once a large stately manor. Now it is only a hollow shell of the original structure. The tell tale evidence of a fire is painfully clear where parts of the outer walls are crumbling, black and charred around the edges of the crude gaping holes. Patches of the roof are completely caved in and the broken wooden support beams are jagged against the night sky. From where I stand the sent of mildew and rotting wood is enough to make me want to gag.

Just as I can not turn away, I can not make myself move forward. I have no desire to set foot within the walls of that house. It is a crypt that has not been disturbed in nearly a century. I'm sure the burned skeletal corpses of those that died that fateful night continue to rest buried under the piles of debris that cover the floor. I know they are there. I can smell the faintest trace of their existence.

It is in memory of one of the deceased that I am standing here now, trembling with fear and loathing. Guilt fuels the tormented screams that only I can hear echoing in the silence. Disgust at my own inability to reverse the damage done makes my throat burn as I thoughtlessly clench my fists digging my claws deep into the flesh of my palms. 

I barely recognize my voice as its slurred by the soft snarl rumbling in my chest. With my heart pounding like a death march in my ears, I whisper, "Hello Mother... I'm home."

**** 

It took an hour of knocking door to door before Kagome finally stated the obvious. "Um… I don't think we're going to find a place to stay for the night."

Having the statement come from the optimistic member of the group made the truth hit home. A collective sigh of defeat was heard as one by one the miserable shard hunters lost hope in the small comforts they had been longing for.

"I was looking forward to a hot bath." Sango mused out loud.

Miroku's face turned dreamy as he mumbled under his breath, "And is was looking forward to watching." However, Sango's reaction and the red palm print on his right cheek took the smile off of the Houshi's face, replacing it with an injured expression, "I only meant that as a compliment, dearest. Besides, I was longing for a soft warm bed."

Hearing the disappointment in his companions' voices, Shippo peeked his head up from Kagome's arms, once again teary eyed and whined, "I'm sorry I messed everything up."

"Shippo don't you dare apologize." Kagome amended, hugging the kitsune even tighter. Maternal instincts in high gear, her face set in a scowl as she held the cub in a protective embrace. "That foolish man! It makes me so angry. Can you believe the way he refused to give us shelter because of silly superstition?"

Mulling over their misfortune, no one heard the footsteps approaching until a soft voice from the left answered Kagome's rhetorical question with a question of their own.

"Pardon me for interrupting but did I hear you say you are in need of shelter for the night?"

All eyes turned to the sweet feminine voice, Shippo, Kagome and Sango appearing a bit weary while Miroku's face lit up with a mischievous grin. There standing to the side was a woman, fairly young and beautiful. Her black hair was neatly tied back in the customary style and her kimono was made of simple cotton but the vibrant pastels of the material was a pleasing contrast to the dull lifeless shades of brown and gray they had seen the other villagers wear.

The stranger's blue twinkled kindly and her porcelain face seemed almost too perfect to be real. Sango's was already gripping hiraikotsu when Miroku grasped the woman's hand and bowed humbly. "Would you do me the honor of bearing my chil-"

The sickening thud of bone connecting with bone echoed softly and Miroku let out a faint groan before collapsing on the ground, staring at the darkening sky in severe disorientation with an unfocused gaze. For good measure, Kirara perched on his chest flicked her forked tail in the Houshi's face.

The woman appeared startled at the drastic reprimand and Kagome hastened to explain. "Sorry about that. This hentai doesn't know when to quit. My name is Kagome, this is Shippo, and this is Sango," she said, gesturing to her friends and smiling brightly. Nudging the slowly recovering monk with her foot, she chuckled, "And this is Miroku, he's harmless, really."

"My name is Mikiko, It's an honor to make your acquaintance." She replied, bowing respectfully. "This may sound forward but if you are in need of a place to stay I would be honored if you would be my guests."

"Really?" Shippo cried, "I can come too?"

Mikiko smiled, "Of course you are welcome."

Leaning up in Kagome's arms, Shippo sniffed the air and eyed Mikiko hopefully. "You're not afraid of me are you?" He asked.

"No," she laughed, "In fact I think you are quite precious. You remind me of someone I knew long ago."

With childish inquisitiveness that was rather blunt and rambling, Shippo asked, "Who do I remind you of? Was it a really powerful demon? You smell really pretty. Is everybody besides you afraid of youkai? Did you know I can change shapes and if I'm really good Kagome will give me chok-o-late? And-"

It took Kagome's hand covering Shippo's mouth for the baby youkai to quiet down and allow Mikiko the chance to answer. Instead of answering Mikiko took the opportunity to motion the group to follow her. "I'll gladly answer any questions you have but first we must seek privacy. The shadows have eyes and the walls have ears, if you know what I mean."

The four nodded in understanding and began to proceed, only to pause when Miroku shook his head as if to clear it and looked around slightly confused, "Has anyone seen Myouga?" 

"He's run away again." Sango sighed, glancing about

"This Myouga, is he a friend of yours?" Mikiko asked.

Rubbing Shippo's head with idle, scratching strokes, Kagome grinned. "He's a friend as long as there is no trouble. As soon as anything goes amiss he disappears."

Mikiko smiled in understanding. "I'm sure he will come back soon enough. Come now, we best be on our way."

The walk to Mikiko's home was silent and quick even though the residence was outside of town, closer to the forests than the village itself. While the structure didn't look as if it fared much better than the rest of the buildings in Nagahagi, upon entering the cozy dwelling it may as well have been heaven. 

The warm fire burning brightly in the center of the room was cheerful and inviting. The promise of a comfortable place to sleep instantly brightened everyone's mood. The effects of the day's traveling were starting to show in the actions of the weary youngsters. Driven by the need to rest, it wasn't long before everyone settled in and given a warm, soothing cup of tea. 

It was only after making sure her guests were comfortable that Mikiko spoke seriously once more. "I suppose you are wondering why everyone in this town is a bit eccentric?" A round of nods told her she was correct and she continued with a sad smile. 

"A long time ago, ninety-four years to be exact, Nagahagi was a prosperous place and the people here were nothing out of the ordinary. The village elder, Ohmoto Tsuwagahi, was a wealthy, well-respected man and his daughter, Miki, was the heir to his fortune. Miki was a young girl and having lived an easy life, she was somewhat sheltered from the outside world. She wasn't aware that youkai walked this earth."

Folding her hands in her lap, Mikiko's expression became almost strained. "It was just after Miki's seventeenth birthday that she came across an injured man in the woods. Taking him back to the manor she had the servants tend him and it seemed in days he was perfectly healed and very grateful for her help. Miki was smitten and she did not wish for the exquisite gentleman to leave. Ohmoto-sama, did not approve of this man. He forbade his daughter to see the gentleman and ordered the man to leave at once. However, Miki had other plans."

Squirming in Kagome's lap Shippo asked, "When does the big bad youkai come into the story?"

"In due time child," Mikiko answered patiently. Once assured she had everyone's attention she continued with the story.

"Secret meetings took place for nearly a year before the gentleman finally requested Miki's hand in marriage. Knowing her father would object and having turned down every suitor that pleased her father, there was not a holy man in this town who would disobey Ohmoto-sama's orders and marry them. Deciding on exchanging vows between themselves, the gentleman finally confessed a secret he's been harboring form the young woman. He was an Inu-youkai lord, with a vast kingdom of his own in the Western Lands. The young girl did not care about his secret because she loved him with all her heart. It was not long after taking their vows when the young woman became pregnant."

Miroku rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Inu-youkai, you say? And the Western Lands?"

"Hai." Said Mikiko, "Is something wrong?" 

"No, no." Miroku hastened to assure. "It just sounds familiar to me. I'm sorry, please continue." 

Mikiko nodded. "The youkai lord explained to his mate that for her safety and the safety of their child it was best for her to remain in her father's household. A war was ravaging the lord's kingdom and he did not wish for anything to happen to his beloved wife and child. During Miki's third month of pregnancy, the youkai lord returned to him home and did not return. For nearly a month, Miki was abandoned to ponder why her love did not return to meet with her. To her ultimate heartbreak it was the lord's eldest son that came to her bearing news of his father's death. The youkai prince was now king of his father's kingdom and having no use for a human stepmother and a half brother, he left them to the mercy of Ohmoto-sama."

"It took nearly the entire term of Miki's pregnancy for Ohmoto-sama to accept the situation. After a time he did and he was honest to the village people about his Grandson's heritage. The people of Nagahagi would not dare speak out against the elder and his family no matter how diluted the blood. However, barely three years after the birth of his grandson, Ohmoto-sama passed on. This left Miki and her son to the mercy of the villagers. For two years they were out-casts, not accepted or treated well by the villagers. Finally, a series of events occurred that led to the downfall of the village."

"You see, very bad things began to happen. In one month the mutilated corpses of ten children were found deep within the woods. It seemed the same fate was happening to the livestock, and carcasses were being found by the dozens. Then the crops began to die for no apparent reason. The people became terrified and blamed these troubles on Miki's son and his demon blood. They swore that with a demon living in their midst they would eventually fall to ruin. So it was decided that they would rid the town of the youkai child and kill him."

"Oh my God!" Kagome gasped. "That is so completely cruel." 

"It was," Mikiko agreed. "But the people would not listen to reason and in the middle of the night the village men formed a mob and stormed Miki's home. No one knows exactly what happened that night, for none lived to tell the tale. In the morning the house was found in smoldering ashes and Miki's son was nowhere to be found. Out of fear the villagers would not even bury the dead. To this day the villagers believe the forest is haunted and will not trespass near it. Since that horrible time, the village has had nothing but bad luck and as a result it is falling to pieces and, as you were told, youkai are not welcome here."

A hushed silence followed Mikiko's tale. Now that Miroku knew the reason for the negative karma he had been feeling all along, it was obvious he was trying to piece everything together in his mind. His voice was hoarse, almost choked when he finally asked, "Miki-sama's son, would his name happen to be Inuyasha?"

Ignoring both Kagome and Sango's collective gasps, Mikiko looked up, her eyes somber and sad. "Dog demon? Hai, that was what the villagers called him."

Miroku looked down at the teacup clenched tightly in his hands. "I thought as much. I now understand what Myouga was babbling about when we approached the village." 

Kagome's tear filled gray eyes shifted to the door. "That means he's alone out there alone…" With no need to complete the thought, she abruptly rose to her feet and declared, "I'm going to find Inuyasha." 

Depositing Shippo in Sango's arms, Kagome did not wait for objections to her brash plan. In a flash of green and white she was out the door and off into the night.

"Should we follow her?" Sango asked worriedly.

Miroku started to give an affirmative reply but then, thinking better of interrupting the two, shook his head. "Kagome is equipped with her arrows and I'm sensing Inuyasha is not far."

"Houshi-sama!?!" 

"Trust me Sango. Kagome-chan will be fine." Turning his attention back to Mikiko, Miroku asked the next question that was demanding an answer, "Tell me, why do you not share the same hatred of youkai as your peers?"

Watching her guests carefully, Mikiko merely smiled. "I learned a long time ago that you can not pass judgment based on general knowledge. Youkai in essence are not unlike humans. Both are capable of love and hate and it is personal choice when it comes to how they live their lives."

Sango frowned thoughtfully. "Talking from personal experience?"

"Hai, very personal experience." Mikiko replied with a light shrug and a secretive grin.

**** 

There is a thin line between the past and the present, so thin that if the conditions are right and the memory has remained vivid it can almost seem like reality.

I tried to tell myself that it is only my mind. That the echoing screams that I hear are not real. I'm whimpering, tucking my head in the sleeve of my haori because the scent of burning flesh is nauseating. I can't escape the blood. It's everywhere, covering my face, matting in my hair, staining my hands and dripping from my claws. I can even taste it in my mouth.

I'm trapped in this nightmare. I'm so far gone I can even feel imaginary flames scorching my skin. I am terrified; the same consuming emotion that was a constant companion in my childhood. Only this time my mother's embrace will not soothe the fear away. This time it's her desperate cries that are compounding the horror and loathing inside of me. 

I can feel the blood pounding madly though my veins. My skin is crawling and my fingers are inching closer to my face wanting to claw my eyes out just to erase the images that I see. My mother's face, twisted in pain and sadness as she cries out my name, pleading for me to stop is burned into my mind forever. A scream is building up in my throat. The anger, the hatred, the pain…

I am completely fucking loosing my mind.

It's this sane thought in the middle of the mad confusion that makes me realize small hands are shaking me and a much longed for voice is calling my name. Slowly I lift my head. When I ended up sitting on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth chanting "I'm sorry", I do not know. The only thing I'm really aware of is that Kagome is kneeling next to me and her touch is making the memories go away. She seems relieved when I say her name.

Then, to my surprise, Kagome rushes me, throwing her arms around my neck and practically choking me. "I'm so glad you're all right. You've been out here all by yourself and then when I finally find you you're a wreck…" Her voice trails off and she pulls back to look at me. Her eyes are liquid gray pools of concern as she asks softly, "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

Kagome is too close and I'm feeling too vulnerable so, trembling violently, I roughly pull myself free from her embrace and turn back to the ruins of what was once my home. She says nothing but it doesn't matter, I can feel her disappointment. I almost wish I could talk to her. It might not hurt so badly if I could tell her why I'm afraid to let her close and why I can never truly forgive myself for what I am. 

Yeah right! What would I say, 'guess what Kagome, I murdered my mother and twenty-three villagers when I was five years old, uh… by the way I love you.'

I can't help but bristle as I scoff the idea and deep down a little voice insists that Kagome would understand. I growl under my breath, determined to push the thoughts away and ignore Kagome until she leaves, but when she speaks this time my blood runs cold.

"I know why you're out here Inuyasha. It's about what happened when you were little. The villagers were mean to you, weren't they? They treated you badly. It must have been horrible-"

I know she meant well but her fix everything attitude just made me angry.

"Shut up!" I yell, taking out my shame and frustration out on the last person that deserves it. "You have no fucking idea what it was like so spare me the bullshit! People like you don't get left out! People like you are normal! But not me! No, I'm a freak! I'm not human! I'm not Youkai! I don't fit in anywhere and you better not say you understand because you'd be lying! You've never had to survive. You've never had people spit on you, throw things at you, curse you, make fun of you and say to your face that you should have been drowned at birth. You never had to deal with that shit so don't give me this crap where you know what it feels like because you don't! You won't ever understand!" 

As soon as I finished my little tirade I could have kicked myself in the ass. Kagome didn't say anything and she didn't have to, the wounded look in her eyes and the way they were filled and shinning with unshed tears spoke volumes. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings but I don't need her patronizing me with sympathetic overtures either. 

The minutes ticked by as we sat on the ground in complete silence. Every now and then I would sneak a glance at her but she remained looking down at her hands. I'm not one for useless chatter but the quiet was getting unnerving. At this point even having her 'sit' me would be welcome, at least it would keep my thoughts from wandering in the direction of the past.

"Inuyasha?" 

The question is timid but it at least broke the silence so I grunt, "hmm?" 

This time she turns to me, "Can I ask you something without you getting upset?"

"Keh! Depends on what you ask." I reply.

Kagome looks away again, but this time she is looking toward the remains of the house and there is an expression on her face I've never seen before. After a few more moments of worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, she finally asks, "Would you tell me what happened here?"

My answer is immediate and curt. "No." 

She nods as if expecting my answer. "You don't have to tell me. I don't mean to pry it's just… I… I just want you to know I'm here if you ever want to."

"I don't want to remember." I say softly.

Her hand finds mine in the darkness and I can't stop myself from taking this little bit of comfort. After all I am part human. I can only be strong for so long before I get sick and tired of having to solve my problems alone. But ironically, that's the only way I know how to deal. Then again, maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to Kagome a little more. 

It's just not so easy when it's all my fault.

"When what's your fault?" Kagome asks giving me a curious look.

Fuck! I wasn't supposed to say that out loud. My brain scrambles for something to say, some lame excuse to stop the questions that are already forming in Kagome's head, when I realize that I want to tell her. Deep down I want to get this off my chest. I've thought about it, beat myself up over it and I've even had nightmares about it. There's nothing more I can do on my own but maybe Kagome can help. Its not like I'm going to need her help all the time but once in a while, like right now, wouldn't hurt. I don't like being vulnerable but I need her to be my friend more than anything right now. So I take a deep breath and spill my guts. 

"I killed them."

Kagome gasps, appearing quite dismayed.

"Everyone. I killed everyone in the house." I say calmly. I'm surprised my voice is steady because my stomach is doing flips and I feel like I'm about to cry. I really HATE this but I've already started talking so I may as well tell the whole story.

"It goes like this. When I was a growing up nobody liked me. Other kids would pick on me and the adults were either afraid or disgusted by me. My mother tried to explain to me that I was different and that I was special but I knew it was bullshit and that she said the stuff just to make me feel better. When I would tell her about all the shit people would do to me, she would cry, and I didn't like it when she cried so I stopped telling her. The older I got the worse it got. No big deal, I could take it. They didn't like me and I sure as hell didn't like them."

"It wasn't until the kids started dying that things got real bad. The villagers said I killed them and ate them. I didn't even know those kids and I could have warned the people about the other demons I smelled in my territory but they wouldn't have believed me. They wanted to blame me so they did. My mother tried to protect me but the night they came for me…"

Once again it's like I'm there and my heart is about to come out of my throat. I shudder and Kagome squeezes my hand encouraging me to continue.

"There was too many of them. They had torches, arrows, nets and swords. My mother and her two old servants didn't stand a chance. They cut the old geezers down first. Then they started hurting mother. I could hear her screaming and I wanted to stop them so badly, and then I went crazy. It was the first time I had ever become full demon and I tore those bastards apart. There wasn't anything left to them." 

Kagome sighs, "And that's what you feel guilty for? They were trying to hurt-"

"I killed my mother too." I confess, interrupting her noble defense of my actions.

Her jaw drops and I see the horror and dread slowly creeping onto her face. Closing my eyes, willing myself not to cry, I try to explain, "I was out of control and I couldn't stop. I didn't know what I was doing. Fuck! I was only five years old. I had never tapped into the extent of my power before, much less try and control it. My mother raised me like a human and I knew I was different. I just didn't know it was much more complex than having dog ears."

"All I wanted to do was protect her." I say, swallowing hard. "And I fucked it all up. Everyone was right when they said I'm a monster."

I'm not sure how I expected Kagome to react but when her hand just squeezed mine tighter and her head leaned against my shoulder, my eyes shot open and I almost pushed her away in surprise. How can she be so understanding? She should hate me now, just like everyone else. I'm a monster. I am demon scum. I'm a good-for-nothing hanyou. But here's Kagome being typically Kagome and in her own way she's telling me it's okay.

"Why are you still with me?" I ask. "After everything I've done to you and after what I just told you…" I trail off half-afraid she'll walk away and knowing I could never blame her if she did. Hell, sometimes I want to get away from me too.

Again, she moves a little closer and whispers, "I'm here because I know you better than you think. You want everyone to believe you don't care about anything. You think it will keep the people you care about safe if you push them away. You're all bark and no bite. You take the fall for your friends and them make up some lame excuse as to why because you think we can't see through it. You think being alone is a way to prove you're tough but it's not. It's just lonely." 

I gotta admit the girl is something. I'm not going to tell her she's right and I don't have to. She does know me, better than I know myself sometimes. Feeling embarrassed and exposed I mutter, "Keh. That's your reason? Why bother?"

Once again her reply is simple and reassuring. 

"That's what real friends are for. You just need to see that you're not alone anymore. You have friends that love you very much, no matter what you are."

**** 

The first tentative rays of dawn were gracing the sky when the five companions met by the roadside, safely tucked away from the sight of the village. Kagome was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes as Miroku and Sango shared an uneasy glance. Shippo's quiet breathing attested to deepness of the kitsune's sleep from where he remained nestled against Sango's shoulder, unaware of Kagome's presence. If anyone noticed the considerable improvement in Inuyasha's attitude, the observation was wisely kept silent.

Talk was kept to a minimal as the group once again took to the open road eager to make a decent headway by the time the sun reached high noon. With every mile that took the rag-tag team farther from the horrid village each of them, for their own reasons, seemed to breathe a little easier. Though the pace set by Inuyasha was anything but an idle walk, by the time a mid-day break was called things were almost back to normal.

It was with a keen eye that Kagome picked up the worried glances passed between Sango and Miroku all morning. After lunch, as everyone enjoyed a few minutes of quiet before starting their journey once again, her curiosity was nearly visible and she could no longer restrain from asking, "Okay, what's going on guys? Whatever it is you're not saying, spill it!"

The young miko's attempt at surprise was wasted as Miroku only grinned, not at all ruffled by her sudden question. Making good the opportunity, he sided up next to Sango and draped his arm across the startled taiji-ya's shoulders, wiggling his brows suggestively. "I'm afraid we've been found out dearest. Should we confess everything that transpired once we were left alone? Shippo cover your ears- OW!"

The elbow shoved none to gently in Miroku's ribs made him wince. Pulling away from his exaggerated hold, Sango rolled her eyes, the slight tilt of her lips betraying her mock anger. "I think they know better than to believe I would subject myself to your predictable advances. You underestimate their intelligence, dearest." She scolded lightly, stressing the endearment purposely.

"A man is allowed to dream." The monk countered dryly. 

"Oi baka, at the rate you're going that's the only action you'll ever get!" Inuyasha snapped. The jingle of Miroku's staff was barely a warning before the top landed on the dog-demon's head. Inuyasha glared as he rubbed the now sore spot. "I thought you were above violence and all that shit unless it was warranted. Oh wait! Silly me, I forgot. You're the most immoral monk that ever lived!"

Miroku closed his eyes peacefully and tipped his head back. "Perhaps." 

"Hello!" Kagome cried, "You still never answered my question. What's got you guys acting so weird?" 

This time Sango took over, answering the question with tact. "Well…it was the strangest thing Kagome-chan. When Houshi-sama and I awoke this morning the hut was completely empty. And I mean empty, no furniture, no essentials for living…nothing. Even Mikiko-sama was nowhere to be found. Houshi-sama and I do not know what to make of this."

Kagome's eyes widened in disbelief. "But that's impossible. I was there with you. It was so real."

"That's precisely what we thought Lady Kagome." Miroku sighed, "But it would seem that we fell prey to a magic ruse of some sort. There was no evidence of our hostess or her belongings."

"Do you think it was a trap set by Naraku and maybe something went wrong?" Kagome reasoned.

Miroku shrugged. "It is likely. I surmise that only time will tell. For now I suggest we keep on our guard, though it would seem we are well out of harms way." 

With tense and controlled movements Inuyasha stood and nearly barked, "Aren't you people done yet? Get up! We need to get a move on!" 

Due to the inability to explain the strange occurrence and the hanyou's lack of patience, the subject was dropped and it was not long before the group was once again traveling north with Inuyasha in the lead and Kagome bringing up the rear, lost deep in her thoughts.

"How odd." Kagome mumbled under her breath.

"How odd indeed." A tiny voice agreed from her shoulder.

Kagome jumped, startled. "Hello Myouga, how nice of you to finally come back." She huffed.

"My lady, I am sorry for my delay in returning but I went on ahead to make sure we are heading in the correct direction. I take it all faired well in my absence?" The flea demon inquired.

"Of course," she sighed. "You're never around anyway. Why would now change anything?" 

"You have my humblest apologies Lady Kagome." Myouga vowed sincerely. As always, Kagome's annoyance quickly faded and the flea demon relaxed feeling it was now safe to discuss the more pressing topic at hand. "I couldn't help but over hear your conversation with Miroku. Did he say the mystery lady's name was Mikiko?"

Kagome frowned. "Yes he did."

"And she vanished into thin air, correct?" 

When Kagome nodded Myouga let out a sentimental sigh. "It is touching to see the depths of a mother's love, is it not?"

For a moment Kagome was confused but as her clever mind filled in the gaps she suddenly drew in a breath sharply. "Myouga are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"My lady, I do not believe what you encountered last night was living, breathing woman but a wandering soul and I am almost certain it was the ghost of Inuyasha's mother. Tell me, did she not resemble the imitation Sesshomaru used to try and kill master Inuyasha long ago? And the name Mikiko, that was the very same name of my lord's mother. This far too fitting to be a coincidence."

"Hai," Kagome breathed, "perhaps you are right Myouga. Now that I think of it she looked identical to the Nothing Woman. But she told us the story of Inuyasha's childhood and she said his mother's name was Miki."

"Now I am certain for that was the name given to her by those she was close to." Myouga explained quietly.

Slightly uneasy and more than a little shocked, Kagome shivered. "That is so freaky."

This time Myouga chuckled. "She meant you no harm my lady, she was merely looking out for Inuyasha's best interests."

Kagome's gaze shifted to where Inuyasha walked ahead and her features melted in a soft smile. "She loved him more than anything."

It was a statement of fact that brought Kagome to an enlightening realization. "Ya know Myouga, last night I went to find Inuyasha in the woods. I had no sense of direction, it was pitch black all around me and yet I just knew where he was. And Mikiko-sama didn't try to stop me. Do you think that means she approves of me?"

"Hai my lady."

With a smile and a light heart Kagome quickened her pace until she fell in step beside Inuyasha. The hanyou remained silent, not even acknowledging her presence. Seeing that his mood was once again less than favorable, she said nothing. 

Finally, just when Kagome was beginning to think he would ignore her indefinitely, Inuyasha growled, "I heard everything Myouga and you were talking about."

"I know."

His tone softened as he asked, "You think it's true?" 

Kagome couldn't help but smile. "I don't see why not."

"Keh."

The dog-demon's response was not exactly enthusiastic but the relaxing of his tense muscles spoke volumes to Kagome. She nudged his arm with her elbow and when glared at her she gave him a blinding smile. Ever so slightly the corner of his mouth lifted. 

For Kagome, the little sign of Inuyasha's underlying happiness was enough.

A.N.- This was a fic I started a while back but it got tosses aside and put on the back burner since… January, I think. Yep, it's been a while. But alas I was inspired and now I present to you my humble explanation for why Inuyasha seems so distant and sad when he confronts the Nothing Woman believing she's is his real mother. I'm a bit rusty on the manga plot but so I don't remember if they give the reason for her death or not, but… This is the way I picture it in my mind. I think something really bad must have happened because Inu-chan seems to have really deep scars when he says to Kagome that being different means you always get left out and you always get blamed.

*hugs* Thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed. Luv ya! *_*


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